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Previously on Breaking Bear.

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Things have changed all around Bear
Mountain. We're not finding food. We're

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going to starve.

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What the frack? Exactly.

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Fracking for oil.

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And it's happening all over the forest
now. Humans are the real enemy.

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Look at this. A selection of gourmet
rock salt.

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Huh?

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Someone might be stealing our damn rock.

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I could make you guys my partners.

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You understand you cannot eat human
flesh ever again.

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Cher, I said no!

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What? Fuck!

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Oh, my fucking God, this is fucking
delicious.

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Cher, stop. Now.

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These drugs are for selling so we can
save the forest. Not for you.

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These ribs are delicious.

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I have a question. If I eat a man's
penis, would that make me, you know,

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gay?

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Uh, not necessarily.

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According to statistics, most
heterosexual males have dabbled in some

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harmless experimentation.

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Oh, you meant actually.

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Gives new meaning to the word junk food.

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Oh, my God. Someone really needs to
invent after Wienerman.

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You mean this?

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You know, I just realized I should have
eaten his balls first, you know, as an

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appetizer instead of for dessert.

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Um, you got a bit of scrotum on your
front tooth?

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Uh-huh.

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I feel guilty I didn't share this with
you, Dwight. He was your friend, and I

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bet you would have liked to taste his
penis.

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No, I wouldn't have.

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He was circumcised.

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I wonder if uncircumcised has a
different flavor profile.

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I love that! Fool! You don't get high on
your own supplies.

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Look at you. Five minutes into your new
career as a drug dealer, and you're

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already quoting Scarface to me like
you're, what, the kingpin? You know I am

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a badass bear!

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I...

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Of course not. You're fine. Because if
my nose is bleeding, I am fully prepared

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to do booty bumps.

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Now, everyone, please focus.

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Our mission is to save the forest.

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Booty bumps?

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Yeah. It's just what it sounds like.

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It's a recipe that is very complicated
and took us a long time to perfect.

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Recipe? Yeah, like baking chocolate chip
cookies.

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Yum. Except chocolate chip cookies don't
contain antifreeze, hydrochloride,

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dollar store bug spray, brake fluid,
methanol, magnesium, sodium, benzoate,

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oxide, battery acid.

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I hope there's no raisins. Good God, no.

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Raisins are the devil's dingleberries.

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Now, come on.

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Let's whip this up some meth.

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What's with these outfits?

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I feel like Madonna's gynecologist. It's
too tight. I feel trapped. If I can't

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have meth, I need a honey jar. I need a
honey jar. Calm down, buddy. Okay, I'm

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sure there's honey here somewhere.

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You mean bee poop? Check that cupboard.

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Finally, honey jar.

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That smells so bad, but... I

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am a badass bear!

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I am rubber, you are glue!

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I wish I could sniff them, too!

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Stop him!

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Oh, no!

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You got your honey in my meth! You got
your meth in my honey!

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Oh, my God, are you thinking what I'm
thinking? That this is just like when

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Taco Bell introduced the Doritos Locos
Tacos? Not exactly that, no, but, uh,

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yes, I think we're on the same
wavelength here.

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That smells amazing.

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It does smell really good. I have an
idea.

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You move.

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What the hell are you doing?

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The best way to capture market share is
to create a unique product that no one

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else has.

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Honey nut meth.

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Two great tastes that go great together.

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Like the Taco Bell Doritos Ojos Tago?

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Did you skip lunch?

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No. This.

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Petrified bunny poop.

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No. These are pine nuts, you
Neanderthals.

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And look.

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Paper towels?

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Were you dropped on your head?

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Spices. Fucking spices.

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Jeez, relax already, would ya?

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I know, spices.

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And I really don't appreciate you
bringing up the fact that I was dropped

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on my head in front of everyone.

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Okay, let's try this.

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Now, stir it.

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It smells delicious.

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Wink always tasted it, but he's dead.

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Right. I'd do it, but I think the
lingering aftertaste of cock and balls

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in my mouth right now might be messing
with my sophisticated palate.

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My sophisticated palate hasn't been
tainted by taint. Let me try it, please.

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Please? Pretty please? Pretty please?

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With sugar on it? And by sugar, I mean
meth?

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Alistair, stay in control.

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Well, okay.

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Just a little taste. One tiny puff.

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Hmm. And?

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Uh-huh, uh-huh. The honey is coating my
throat. The bouquet is smoky, full

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-bodied yet delicate. I taste, I taste
the pine nuts. But with just a whisper

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of fresh truffles and the aftertaste, my
God, it's almost buttery. My word, it is

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so piquant.

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And scrumptious.

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Well, sure. I mean, I would have come up
with that, too, if I hadn't just eaten a

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dick. Okay, that's enough for now.

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Nobody tell this badass bear how much to
smoke!

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Okay,

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we need to meet your distributor.

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Oh, uh, Wink handled distribution.

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I don't know who his connection was.

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Jesus, you are a terrible drug dealer.

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Well, my heart isn't teaching.

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What do you teach, chemistry?

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No, I am the drama teacher.

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See, I was hired after the governor
started a new school. And the plan

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was... As your governor, I want to
proclaim a new day of freedom as we open

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this junior high school and welcome the
man we are naming the school after.

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No government should tell you what to
put in your child's body.

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That is why... I am proud to open the
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Junior High School

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for the vaccine hesitant.

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Everything was great until... So it
seems the few kids have polio

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and the media's making a big deal about
it.

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Did polio stop Franklin D. Roosevelt
from becoming president?

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No!

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As he said, the only thing we have to
fear is fear itself.

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Are we scaredy cats who fear polio?

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No! Are we wimps who are scared of a
little paralysis?

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No! Do you want Big Pharma's polio
vaccine or natural immunity?

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Natural immunity!

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There's only one thing to do.

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You tested positive for polio. We'll be
making out with those who need natural

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immunity.

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Let's start kissing.

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So how did that go?

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Unfortunately, 90% of our kids ended up
paralyzed. And to afford making the

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school wheelchair accessible, we have to
cut the school musical.

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That's when I discovered that our
janitor, Wayne, was selling drugs to

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kids.

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What you are doing is horrible,
disgusting, immoral.

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I'm alerting the police.

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Unless you help me pay for the school
musical.

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And that's how we became partners.

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Blackmail.

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the best way to start a friendship.

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Yeah, just like Trump and Putin.

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I'd love to see those Polaroids. Right?

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So what you're telling us is that you
have no underworld connections

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whatsoever. None.

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Oh, wait.

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Actually, I have this former student,
the most talented actress I ever worked

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with. She might be able to help.

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Move over.

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Hello. Hello.

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Hi, how are you?

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Good.

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Are you by any chance with Flo Flo, the
street house so sweet they named her

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twice? And if so, may I talk to her?

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Oh, why, is that my favorite teacher of
all time, Mr. Salter?

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My favorite student of all time.

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What a surprise to have you visit me at
work.

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Can you give me one second to finish up?

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You betcha.

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Hang on!

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She's going as fast as she can.

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You know, I wouldn't be who I am today
if you hadn't cast me as Mimi in Rent.

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It showed me you could be a drug addict
with AIDS and still be glamorous.

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In fact, if I hadn't learned about
method acting from you, I never even

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would have tried heroin.

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Thank you, Mr.

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Seltzer. Hey, I put the meth in method.

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Musical theater really does change
people's lives.

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Let me introduce you to my partners.

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Ah! They're bears!

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Grizzly bears!

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Who's gonna buy meth from bears?

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They'll scare everybody.

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Folks buy stuff from scary people all
the time.

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Jeff Bezos. Elon Musk.

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Kim Kardashian.

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Us? Scary?

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I think my good friend Dwight here would
disagree.

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See?

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But we're like big teddy bears.

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That's it.

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Big teddy bears.

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We'll just tell people you're furries.

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Furries? Yes.

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Horny, kinky people merely dress up like
animals. You'll be full-time, 24-hour

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lifestyle furries. I like it. A human in
a fur suit, which is kind of like what I

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really am.

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Flo Flo, please.

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00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:07,770
We really need your help. You said it
yourself. You'd be living a very

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different life right now if it weren't
for me.

201
00:13:10,110 --> 00:13:11,110
That's true.

202
00:13:11,710 --> 00:13:16,150
I suppose I could set up distribution
for you. Do you remember Katie Durant,

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00:13:16,150 --> 00:13:17,670
Josie Wells, and Chrissy Cotillion?

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Some of my most talented students.

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They could help us.

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00:13:43,630 --> 00:13:47,810
We need a top-notch sales team for this
stuff, and nobody knows how to sell

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00:13:47,810 --> 00:13:52,270
better than you whores. Being cast as a
prostitute changed my life.

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00:13:52,510 --> 00:13:56,570
Katie, you were better than Nicole
Kidman playing that whore in Moulin

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00:13:56,570 --> 00:14:00,790
Rouge. Look at you. You got a great
career, and without the indignity of

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00:14:00,790 --> 00:14:03,550
having to compromise your morals by
sleeping with Tom Cruise.

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00:14:04,230 --> 00:14:06,350
What show were you in that influenced
your life?

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00:14:06,630 --> 00:14:08,370
I resent your implication.

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00:14:08,970 --> 00:14:12,530
Musical theater didn't affect my
lifestyle choices in any way.

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00:14:12,790 --> 00:14:15,520
So... What show are you in? Pretty Woman
the Musical.

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00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:22,140
I still can't believe all my favorite
students stayed friends and still work

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in an aspect of the entertainment
industry where you get to hone your

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00:14:25,420 --> 00:14:27,320
acting skills on a one-on-one basis.

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00:14:27,780 --> 00:14:31,660
And we're so happy to help with the
funding for musical theater. Let me

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00:14:31,660 --> 00:14:35,500
propose a toast to junior high school
musical theater.

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To the theater!

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You'll be awake for life.

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Just give it a try.

223
00:15:01,330 --> 00:15:03,630
Find a glory hole in the bathroom.

224
00:15:24,110 --> 00:15:27,470
You've had some feed or snacks that suck
you up before.

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00:15:27,810 --> 00:15:32,290
But besides a certain heart attack,
we're sure that you'll adore.

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00:15:32,750 --> 00:15:37,910
That our recipe's your destiny for
flavorful calamity.

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00:15:38,170 --> 00:15:42,910
Inside a pipe. Now suck me just right.

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00:15:43,330 --> 00:15:47,310
Coming up, math is your ticket to
paradise.

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You've got some strong ones you're
hooked on.

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Well,

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this is our last stop.

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00:16:12,810 --> 00:16:18,570
I'm so proud of you. Aw, thank you, Mr.
Salter. Good luck with your musical.

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00:16:18,970 --> 00:16:20,250
Oh, thank you.

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00:16:20,670 --> 00:16:22,170
Mr. Salter?

235
00:16:22,730 --> 00:16:26,730
4'10", 4'20".

236
00:16:29,110 --> 00:16:35,690
420. What the hell?

237
00:16:36,270 --> 00:16:37,710
I fainted. Go away.

238
00:16:38,030 --> 00:16:39,030
You fainted?

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00:16:39,170 --> 00:16:41,930
Yes, I did. I'm talking in my sleep. I'm
fully asleep.

240
00:16:42,170 --> 00:16:44,150
Deep, deep REM sleep. No need to hit.

241
00:16:44,590 --> 00:16:45,890
Go away now, please.

242
00:16:46,430 --> 00:16:51,010
Nice try, buddy. You think I don't know
what fake sleep is? I was married for 20

243
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:54,330
years. Let me show you how I'd wake
Margaret up. I'm awake!

244
00:16:55,660 --> 00:16:57,080
Good night, Margaret.

245
00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:06,599
What is going on?

246
00:17:07,859 --> 00:17:11,940
Let us out! What made you fools think
you could sell meth here?

247
00:17:12,220 --> 00:17:13,440
Don't get me wrong.

248
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:18,160
I love the whole furry gimmick, but this
is our territory.

249
00:17:18,619 --> 00:17:19,760
Read our tattoos.

250
00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:22,280
Our territory fucking?

251
00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:24,560
Switch!

252
00:17:26,300 --> 00:17:27,859
Territory our fucking.

253
00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:32,660
Switch our fucking territory.

254
00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:34,500
That's very intimidating.

255
00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:36,180
Karen!

256
00:17:37,980 --> 00:17:39,740
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry,
sorry.

257
00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:43,220
That's Flammation Point?

258
00:17:43,420 --> 00:17:46,260
Holy shit, they're not messing around!

259
00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:47,359
That's right.

260
00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:49,180
Know what these teardrops mean.

261
00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:50,780
You're sensitive?

262
00:17:51,140 --> 00:17:53,260
No. You've been chopping onions.

263
00:17:53,580 --> 00:17:56,170
No. You all just watched Avengers
Endgame?

264
00:17:56,430 --> 00:18:00,310
These tears mean we killed for this
territory and will kill again.

265
00:18:00,650 --> 00:18:04,510
We are the only meth distributors in
this area.

266
00:18:04,990 --> 00:18:06,610
Mine's actually a raindrop.

267
00:18:06,870 --> 00:18:08,530
Really makes your swastika pop.

268
00:18:08,790 --> 00:18:09,790
Good for you.

269
00:18:09,830 --> 00:18:11,030
Oh, thank you.

270
00:18:11,670 --> 00:18:13,250
Now, what do you guys want from us?

271
00:18:13,510 --> 00:18:15,890
We want the formula for your honey nut
meth.

272
00:18:16,670 --> 00:18:20,890
Never. Well, then we keep you in this
cage and we watch you starve when we

273
00:18:20,890 --> 00:18:21,950
smoke all your shit.

274
00:18:22,770 --> 00:18:23,770
All of it?

275
00:18:23,900 --> 00:18:26,060
Can you at least blow the smoke towards
me?

276
00:18:27,980 --> 00:18:32,120
Oh, the bouquet is so sophisticated.

277
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:35,520
It's pecan and scrumptious.

278
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:56,460
There are 200 million white men in
America.

279
00:18:56,680 --> 00:19:00,700
Every four years, how many of those 200
million white men gets elected

280
00:19:00,700 --> 00:19:02,800
president? Um, one?

281
00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:07,860
Exactly. Why can't the other 200 million
white men be president, too?

282
00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:09,180
I don't know.

283
00:19:09,420 --> 00:19:11,780
Discrimination. Anti-white
discrimination.

284
00:19:11,980 --> 00:19:16,100
They hate everything white. My doctor
said to eat breads made with whole

285
00:19:16,100 --> 00:19:18,340
grains instead of white flour.

286
00:19:18,820 --> 00:19:21,680
They say diabetes is caused by white
sugar.

287
00:19:22,300 --> 00:19:25,500
What kind of flag do you raise when you
surrender during a war?

288
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:27,440
The white flag.

289
00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:28,960
Why is it white?

290
00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:32,940
It's the flag of fear, and we Aryans are
not afraid of anything.

291
00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:34,540
Yeah!

292
00:19:34,700 --> 00:19:36,640
Well, except black people.

293
00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:40,440
We're not afraid of anything except
black people.

294
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:44,460
I'm scared of Jews, especially Jewish
bankers.

295
00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:49,780
OK, OK, we're not scared of anything
except black people, Jews, especially

296
00:19:49,780 --> 00:19:52,520
Jewish bankers. And Mexicans.

297
00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:56,820
Me too, but I do like taco salad.

298
00:19:57,620 --> 00:20:01,700
I'm scared of trans people using the
same bathroom as me. Oh, yeah? I'm

299
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:02,700
scared of that, too.

300
00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:08,000
Damn it! Okay, we're totally fearless,
and nothing scares us except for black

301
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:13,180
people, Jews, Jewish bankers, Mexicans,
and trans people using bathrooms.

302
00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:15,620
And did I mention fear of commitment?

303
00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:20,360
No, no, you didn't. You didn't. Then
please add that and pass me the mess

304
00:20:20,360 --> 00:20:22,940
pipe. That's a lot of fears for fearless
people.

305
00:20:24,060 --> 00:20:27,120
Oh, damn!

306
00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:29,420
This mess is good!

307
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:35,660
The bears will not replace us! The bears
will not replace us! The bears will not

308
00:20:35,660 --> 00:20:40,700
replace us! The bears will not replace
us! The bears will not replace us! What

309
00:20:40,700 --> 00:20:43,760
the fuck are they looking at? Is my
Hitler tattoo moving?

310
00:20:44,629 --> 00:20:48,490
If this is what people in meth are like,
I'm never smoking meth again. I hate how

311
00:20:48,490 --> 00:20:49,590
it makes me aggressive.

312
00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:51,810
Violent. And incredibly strong.

313
00:20:52,110 --> 00:20:53,049
Oh, my gosh.

314
00:20:53,050 --> 00:20:54,490
What? I need your tie.

315
00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:01,370
Now put your hands on the bars at the
door and try and pull them apart.

316
00:21:02,250 --> 00:21:03,670
I can't pull them apart.

317
00:21:05,090 --> 00:21:07,710
You told me to never do meth again.

318
00:21:08,190 --> 00:21:11,210
Unless we're trapped in an Aryan
Brotherhood bear-proof cage. Inhale.

319
00:21:39,590 --> 00:21:46,050
smoking meth can i just eat one more
human god damn it just one more yes okay

320
00:21:46,050 --> 00:21:52,890
but i have a question for you are you
uncircumcised i'm a

321
00:21:52,890 --> 00:21:56,930
motherfucking aryan what do you think oh
yeah

322
00:22:14,510 --> 00:22:20,650
but also yummier. I want to eat every
Aryan's wiener. Oh, my God.

323
00:22:21,910 --> 00:22:22,970
Garrett, stop.

324
00:22:23,310 --> 00:22:24,310
Okay, okay.

325
00:22:25,470 --> 00:22:26,710
Everybody stop.

326
00:22:27,470 --> 00:22:32,170
We will spare your lives, but you warn
everyone in town.

327
00:22:32,450 --> 00:22:35,650
No one fucking deals meth without the
permission of us bears.

328
00:22:35,970 --> 00:22:40,070
We motherfucking badass bears now rule
this fucking town!

329
00:22:40,610 --> 00:22:42,030
Exclamation point.

330
00:22:50,670 --> 00:22:51,670
Grab their chemicals.

331
00:22:53,090 --> 00:22:59,010
And I can't leave this dead, half-eaten
body as evidence, so I'll just take it

332
00:22:59,010 --> 00:22:59,929
to go.

333
00:22:59,930 --> 00:23:01,850
Just to hide the evidence.

334
00:23:03,050 --> 00:23:04,490
Whoa, damn it.

335
00:23:06,890 --> 00:23:10,390
Oh, thank God you're alive.

336
00:23:11,090 --> 00:23:12,850
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

337
00:23:13,150 --> 00:23:14,530
It's just so slippery.

338
00:23:15,130 --> 00:23:17,850
This is what happens when you skip leg
day, Jer.

339
00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:30,000
You know how people say, do bears shit
in the woods?

340
00:23:30,420 --> 00:23:31,420
Yeah.

341
00:23:32,060 --> 00:23:33,940
Well, they got it wrong.

342
00:23:36,220 --> 00:23:39,360
Bears fuck shit up in the woods.

343
00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:52,640
Motherfuckers.

344
00:23:55,140 --> 00:23:56,640
That'll teach him. Yeah.

345
00:23:57,130 --> 00:23:59,110
Nobody tied me up without paying.

346
00:23:59,850 --> 00:24:01,250
Keep that, fucker.

347
00:24:01,300 --> 00:24:05,850
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